America. / Wedding planning

Ye olde bachelorette party

It’s been a very long two-weeks-or-so of Army wife initiation, tulle tutus, and angry spray tans, but I’m alive. And still slightly orange. And I’m ignoring the government shutdown, because I heard if you’re cornered by a bear in the woods all you need to do to survive is stand still and it won’t see you.

As all weddings are, mine was a whirlwind. I’m still coming down from all the bourbon cocktails and dress blues, and from the realization that I spent two hundred dollars on light-pink ribbon dancers that are now in a trashcan somewhere in Maryland. Which I think is the ultimate sign of a successful wedding.

Before the ribbon dancers ended up in the garbage, however, I filled at least two trashcans with cider-soaked, sparkling pink tulle. Cue the bachelorette party.

Bachelorette tutus

Like any good bachelorette party, it started with a champagne toast in the street at 9:00am.

Renaissance Festival bachelorette party

Yes. I made them all wear tutus too. This is how you do little black bachelorette dresses when you know there’s a chance your bridesmaids will be covered in mud and beer by the end of the party.

There are a lot of good reasons to have your wedding in September, but one of my most important was that September is Maryland Renaissance Festival season. And the Maryland Renaissance Festival was the perfect setting for the ye olde bachelorette party of my dreams.

I’ve made a pretty big fuss about the Maryland Renaissance Festival both in my life and on this blog (the number one internet search term for this site is still “renaissance festival cleavage,” which means I’ve already accomplished a lifetime of goals at 26). And if my bachelorette party did anything, it proved that all that fuss was well placed.

Ye Olde Bachelorette Party

Like all soon-to-be brides, I experienced a wide breadth of emotions during my bachelorette party, ranging from contentment to wistfulness to pants-shitting fear. Special thanks to Becky for bringing the “Ye Olde” bling to adorn my sash, and to that terrifying masked man whose crush velvet pants probably could have been tighter, so we’ll leave it at that.

Though the party, like the wedding a week later, was also a whirlwind of wine and merriment, we made sure to hit the festival essentials:

The food.

Renaissance Festival Food

Potatoes and crab cheese and pretzels, OH MY.

The photo ops.

Renaissance kings and queens

To some of us, being regal comes naturally. Others struggled.

I found a skull

Necks are for losers.

The festivities.

Renaissance Festival performances

The old friends.

MHS does Renn Fest

Middletown High School’s finest.

WAC friends at Renn Fest

WAC attack.

Flower garland bridesmaids

There’s a chance I made my bridesmaids wear their flower garlands to the rehearsal.

The new friends.

Renaissance Festival characters

Renn Fest Friends

Not pictured: the man who shoved a dollar bill into my shirt like he’s had a lot of practice shoving dollar bills into people’s shirts.

And the fun-bags. That’s a euphemism for boobs.

Renaissance Festival Cleavage

Will you be my sister wife? Bring the Angry Orchard.

Oh, and I almost forgot: the pickles.

Renaissance Festival pickles

Some of us took the pickles more seriously than others.

Stay tuned for more about my big fat Jewish Army wedding. Spoiler alert: Somebody got wedding cake smashed in his or her face and it wasn’t me.

0 thoughts on “Ye olde bachelorette party

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *