28-Day Blog Challenge / Army 101 / Twins / Wedding planning

How to tell a woman she’s huge without getting punched in the face

Since I’m still recovering from all the guacamole and stress of Super Bowl XLVII, I’d like to share with you, instead of a game recap, an exciting new use for toilet paper:

Toilet paper challenge

Toilet paper babies

To measure your pregnant friends’ bellies. Joanna and I tested this toilet paper use personally on our friend Rachael’s pregnant belly, and the magical number of sheets the baby bump required was 12. Pregnancy: the only time you can exclaim “LOOK HOW HUGE YOU ARE!” to a woman without getting punched in the face and/or privates.

I was double excited to take part in Rachael’s baby shower last weekend, because she’s having double babies; and, as a double baby myself, I have the authority to report that double babies turn into doubly fantastic adults.

Twin shower

My pomegranate and muddled blueberry “preggatinis” (which is basically a fancy word for fancy juice), and hostess Jenny’s gender surprise twins cupcakes.

Also brought to you by hostess Jenny: a centerpiece that becomes a favor. I'm going to Pinterest this so hard.

Also brought to you by hostess Jenny: a centerpiece that becomes a favor. I’m going to Pinterest this so hard.

Besides my obvious joy for the mommy-to-be, the twin shower was particularly enjoyable for me as somebody who is planning a wedding; attending any organized special event is almost like market research for planning my organized special event. This two-for-one centerpiece/favor idea has helped solidify a two-for-one escort card/favor idea I’ve been mulling over for the last year (note: nearly two years is more-than-nearly too long to plan a wedding; I’ve changed my mind about the color scheme maybe four times by now).

Unfortunately, the shower also reignited my want for a mad lib guest book. (I changed my mind. This is not a stupid idea. It is a brilliant idea.)

Guests and mom-of-honor relaying a baby themed mad lib story. In which Rachael's husband Ryan turned out to be a lawyer, a doctor, an acrobat, and a correctional officer.

Guests and mom-of-honor relaying a baby themed mad lib story. In which Rachael’s husband Ryan turned out to be a lawyer, a doctor, an acrobat, a disc jokey, and President of the United States. He’s had quite a year.

Another well-planned aspect of the baby shower that I am now going to steal for all my life events: Rachael’s friend Sarah (who flew up from Florida for the shower) arranged a Skype event for the couple’s out-of-town family and friends to take part in the event. They filled out their mad lib answers and toilet paper guesses and mailed their gifts ahead of time, and then participated in the festivities and the “awwww” moments of gift opening via the interweb.

Skype shower

I also got to show off my latest crochet project. Don’t worry; I’m not incorporating crochet into my wedding. Even Jonathan (who has practically no opinion about bridal bouquets, and is probably only vaguely aware of their existence) thought my yarn floral arrangement idea was stupid. My ideas are just too ahead of their time.

Since the couple is opting to surprise themselves with gender on the day of the birth, I got to work with aqua, orange, and gray to match their gender-neutral nursery. So chic.

Since the couple is opting to keep gender a surprise, I got to work with aqua, orange, and gray to match their gender-neutral nursery. So chic.

Rachael’s shower was one of the “sinking in” moments I’ve been having a lot lately as my impending move and transition to army wifedom creeps closer. As I watch my friends and family hit these big life milestones (engagements, marriages, pregnancies, career changes), it gets clearer and clearer that I won’t always be able to attend the parties, and the showers, and the celebrations. I’ve chosen a life of transitions and uncertainties that means my RSVPs will be sent with often more regrets than accepts. It’s something that I’m sure won’t sink in entirely until it’s happened. (Luckily I’m getting really great at care packages, so I’m sure I’ll find ways to send my love all over the country—and world—from wherever I may be.)

So, until then, I’m soaking in every moment of my life at home while I can have it.

Everything at a baby shower is adorable. Especially the diapers, because this is the last time Rachael will be able to look at a diaper and smile.

Everything at a baby shower is adorable. Especially the diapers, because this is the last time for a long time that Rachael will be able to look at a diaper and smile.

Twin shower group

Rachael and twins

Congratulations, Ryan and Rachael. I can’t wait to meet your twins. I’m almost certain they will have super powers.

13 thoughts on “How to tell a woman she’s huge without getting punched in the face

  1. I’m so glad I found your blog. I really enjoy reading all of your posts, I feel like I know you! I love it when people write the way they talk (it’s a good thing) and I can tell you do because reading your posts is like having a conversation with you.

    Also, Rachel is a pretty adorable pregnant lady. Twins! How fun! I hope she has one of each gender. I’ve always secretly wished that I would have twins someday. As difficult as it would be at the beginning, I just feel like it’s such an efficient way to have kids, and I’m all about efficiency.

    • Thanks so much, Kristy! I want to give you a big, sloppy kiss. (It’s not weird. We’re friends now.)

      I totally agree with you on the desire to have twins based on efficiency. You only have to go through one birth, but you get two babies out of it. So streamlined. We have to figure out a way to do this on purpose.

  2. I’m hoping their superpowers are sleeping through the night and having poop that smells delightfully like strawberries. 🙂 Thank you for the gorgeous blankets. I LOVE them.

    • You maaaaay be setting your hopes a little too high with the strawberry poop. But, seeing as Joanna and Emma have both offered themselves as babysitters, I say you cash in on that whenever there’s a poop you particularly don’t feel like dealing with.

  3. For my wedding we used escort cards to help people find the table they were sitting at, but then we had to have seat assignments for the plated dinner (required by our caterer but also helped us avoid inevitable seating issues). Anyway, for the place cards, we had small pictures frames with each person’s name inside. But behind their name was a picture that coincided with the table name (we named our tables after DC landmarks) of my husband and me holding a sign that said, ‘Thank you.’ They turned out really well and several of my friends have the frames up in their offices now. So I definitely recommend making the favor something useful as part of the wedding…it’ll also save you money!

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