28-Day Blog Challenge / Coping mechanisms / Histrionics

LEAVE ME ALONE, GHOSTS.

Another of the distractions Jonathan has offered me during this deployment is access to his Netflix Instant account online. Which obviously means I spent the first few weekends he was gone watching “Tangled” on my laptop until I started hallucinating in Disney cartoons. Which actually isn’t a terrible way to live.

So when I found myself with a free weekend recently (and the Law and Order: SVU marathons running simultaneously on two television channels were all episodes I’ve seen at least twice), I took advantage of my Netflix deployment perk. I spent the next 48 hours watching the entire first season of American Horror Story and trying to ignore the fact that I live in a basement.

A problem I should have foreseen: I didn’t sleep for two weeks after I saw “Thir13en Ghosts,” and that’s a Tony Shalhoub movie. And I really don’t want to discuss what happened after I saw the movie “Insidious,” mostly because I’m still recovering from it and I don’t want to facilitate any flashbacks. (Yes, Jacki, I realize that “Insidious” wasn’t really that scary. But you didn’t have to live with Jonathan singing “tiptoe through the tulips” to you in a whispered falsetto just as you were falling asleep every night for a week after you watched it.)

At 4:30am a few days ago, sleeping in my basement, my iPhone made that descending DING-dong noise it makes when it disconnects from a power source. At 4:31am, my iPhone made the countering ascending dong-DING noise it makes when it connects to a power source. Then another ding-dong. And then overlapping ding dongs that dong dinged on top of each other and until they confused the hell out of my iPhone, which then started making a drawn-out  diiiiiiiiiiiiiing sound until I woke up fully and pulled it off the charger. When I turned around to go back to sleep, the lamp on my opposite nightstand was suddenly turned on.

It’s 4:30am. I’m still under the influence of sleeping pills. I’m in a basement. And also I should mention that I just saw that new Guillermo Del Toro movie about ghosts who get angry at you and then they legit slither through your walls and short out the power so you don’t see them coming when they SNAP YOUR NECK.

Just as my brain is beginning to process this information, I hear the churning sound of my apartment’s heating system shut off. All the light bulbs in my room flash. My nightstand light shuts off.

And basically I spend the next 30 seconds trying not to pee my pants and screaming “LEAVE ME ALONE, GHOSTS!!!!!!!” over and over again in my head.

The good news is that I don’t think there are ghosts in my apartment. Because not even ghosts want to live in my apartment; they’re probably all over at the Clarendon 1021 condos relaxing in their underground parking and jacuzzi tubs. The bad news is that, as I probably should have assumed before leaping directly to paranormal activity, something is loose in my apartment’s wiring that’s causing the power to flicker on and off every few minutes…or seconds…or sometimes hours. It’s very flighty and temperamental. My apartment is like an angsty teenage girl.

I’m not sure how the wiring was done in my apartment, but it appears to have been done by somebody who was very drunk, or possibly schizophrenic. Because, while the three upstairs bedrooms, the refrigerator in the kitchen, and the lights in my basement staircase work, nothing else does. Which means we have free range to use the refrigerator, but no stove, oven, or microwave to cook anything in. While I am perfectly able to walk down the stairs into my bedroom, I am unable to use anything in my bedroom. Except for in the minutes or seconds of intervals when the power has momentarily flickered on.

The other good news is that, since I obviously can’t cook, I’ve eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and granola for half my meals this week and I don’t have to feel guilty about it. Silver lining!

Pics or it didn't happen.

Pics or it didn’t happen.

So while I wait for my power to return (another silver lining: I’m getting really great at doing my make up in the dark), I’m participating in the 28-Day Blog Challenge. Which means you all get to join me in another deployment distraction: sprucing up Army Pants and Flip Flops! If you have your own blog and want to give it some TLC, it’s not too late to sign up for the challenge. You might win a sparkly headband. Except I hope you don’t, because I really want to win the sparkly headband.

Lovely readers: What changes would you like to see happen on this blog? Are there any topics you’d like me to post about more…or topics you’re getting really sick of and maybe I should shut up already? What would you like to see from my various social media accounts? If you have a blog, do you have any advice to offer to help me improve mine over the next 28 days?

0 thoughts on “LEAVE ME ALONE, GHOSTS.

  1. DUDE. I am right there with you. I am the WORST with scary movies (even scary-ish… or not really scary at all… movies. I had nightmares for like 4 years after I watched THE PRINCESS BRIDE, which is now one of my all-time favorite movies but when I saw it for the first time as a 7-year-old, not understanding anything except how an ROUS was going to crawl up through the toilet and eat me from the ass up, it seriously freaked me out) and TV is the same way. I don’t think I could ever watch American Horror Story, despite how many epic things I hear about it, because I can barely even handle the 5 episodes of Supernatural that I’ve watched with Sean… in broad daylight… having already read the spoilers for the episodes on Wikipedia.

    I’m also the person who jumps out of bed at midnight to double-check that the front door is locked (because a locked front door is definitely going to keep out home invaders or zombies or ghosts, right?) and is secretly glad that my dogs go ballistic anytime someone goes in or out of the house even though their barking is super annoying, because it gives me warning to grab the dogs and go hide in my bathtub in case of said home, zombie, or ghost invasion.

    Like I said: Me = The Worst.

    • Totally with you on this one. I’m not even sure why I like watching scary movies so much, seeing as they basically leave me incapable of functioning. I was PLAGUED with nightmares throughout my entire childhood about E.T. Honestly still can’t stand that gross little guy. Showing up in people’s windows. Trying to phone home. HE LOOKS LIKE HE’D BE STICKY IF YOU TOUCHED HIM. YOU CAN’T BORROW MY PHONE, STICKY ALIEN.

      I’ve gotta say, though, your Princess Bride fear takes the cake. Rodents of Unusual Size? I don’t think they exist. (SCREECH! ROUS ATTACK!)

      • In your defense, the coneheads are technically aliens. E.T. is also an alien. And E.T. is terrifying. Therefore, according to the transitive property (or something else mathy; math is not my strong suit), the coneheads are also terrifying.

  2. Oh I hadn’t seen the 28 day blog challenge! One of my goals this year was to reactivate my nearly dead (ok, ok, really dead) cooking blog and get back to blogging. Yay. I’m going to use the challenge as motivation!

    Back to your post: I have to admit that I really did laugh out loud at your description of sitting in bed yelling “leave me alone ghosts”. I don’t get to get weirded out by movies, but every now and then one will get to me and I have had my moments of waking up and seeing the shadows from the crepe myrtle against the curtains or hearing the wind blowing around the corner and my half awake brain just totally flips out! So I have mad sympathy for the momentary freakout.

    • Perfect timing! You should definitely participate in the 28DBC. Katy Widrick (blogger extraordinaire who is sponsoring the challenge) posted her suggestions for blog improvements today, and they would be a perfect way to help you get back into the swing of things. You’re also free to set your own daily challenges (i.e. writing your first new post!), and can take it as slowly as you’d like. I’m looking forward to reading your blog! Even if you win the sparkly headband and I don’t. (Though I will probably hold a grudge.)

      When I was in middle or high school, I was invited to a Halloween sleepover party where we’d be watching “The Ring.” I almost didn’t go, but decided I was a little too old to be such a pansy. I think I spent the entire time the movie was on with my eyes half closed. Lesson learned: I’m apparently never too old to be afraid of the dark. Or of wells.

  3. I am a fan of horror movies, but few have ever kept me up at night. The worst was when I went to a late night showing of The Ring. In the middle of the night, I woke up because of images swimming in my head. I went to the bathroom to splash some water on my face. Unfortunately, my white nightgown and long black hair made me terrified of my own reflection when I looked up and thought Samara was staring straight at me in the mirror. Apparently all it takes to scare me is to look at my own reflection with my hair in front of my face.

  4. I’m so loving all the comments about The Ring, because that is the only horror movie I have ever dared to watch. (Except for The Happening…which just barely counts as a movie at all, let alone as a horror movie.) Of course that happened to be the night I noticed that the stop sign at the end of my friend’s street totally looks black and white in the glare of headlights at night. I now know that older stop signs just do that…I was not aware of that at the time, though, and automatically jumped to the obvious conclusion that Samara was probably on top of the car getting ready to kill us.

    That was not a good night.

  5. OMG I CANNOT watch scary movies because I freak out at night and can’t distinguish reality from the craziness of the movies. I would have been going crazy if I had been you. I was even convinced there was a ghost sitting next to me in the car when I left the theater after seeing The Sixth Sense…so flashing lights would have been very traumatic.

    • Did you have night terrors as a kid??? My parents say that’s basically what would happen during them. Scary. I’m not going to pretend I don’t have nightlights.

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