Army 101 / Care package / Deployment / Relationship advice

Choosing a Christmas gift for your deployed soldier

Now that it’s mid-November, I’m in crunch mode for choosing Jonathan’s Christmas present if I want it to get to Afghanistan before December 25th. And it’s a good thing he’s not expecting Hanukkah gifts yet, because that’s only three weeks away and I don’t think latkes ship well.

Choosing a gift for a deployed soldier is tricky; anything I send him that he wants to keep long term has to be carted around with him from place to place for the rest of his deployment, so it should be easily portable. And unfortunately my original gift idea (an entire barrel of Jack Daniel’s Single Barrel whiskey) won’t fit in his rucksack. Shucks. I guess I’ll have to find another way to spend $10,000.

After some thought, I’ve narrowed my ideas down to four carefully selected gift options:

1. “Pussy Galore Cat Playful Kittens Sweater Vest I Love Cats Tacky Gaudy Ugly Christmas Party X-Mas”

The pros:

  • Very Christmas-y.
  • Moderately lightweight and foldable for easy rucksack storage.

The cons:

  • I’m disappointed that there are not more cats on this sweater vest.
  • It’s only available in small or medium, so I’m afraid it won’t fit him.

2. “I F-ing love Cats UNcensored large print – mature”

The pros:

  • Everybody will finally know how much Jonathan f-ing loves cats.
  • Available unframed for very lightweight, easy rucksack storage.

The cons:

  • The print is only available in its uncensored form, and Jonathan has a lot of young nieces and nephews he’d have to hide the language from.
  • Lettering not available in multicam.

3. “Vintage 1970’s Novelty Glitter Iron Transfer On I Love Cats T-Shirt”

The pros:

  • Will add some color to Jonathan’s current all-camo wardrobe (bonus: he looks great in blue).
  • Now that DADT has been repealed, he should be free to wear rainbow colors without judgement.
  • Lightweight and foldable for easy rucksack storage.

The cons:

  • I’m afraid the heart-shaped letter “o” makes this otherwise masculine shirt a little too feminine.
  • After seeing that “I f-ing love cats” print, I’m afraid this shirt won’t put enough emphasis on just how much Jonathan loves cats.

4. “ARMY Cat Art, Grey Tabby Soldier Cat Wearing Military Uniform and Saluting Flag 5X7 Print”

The pros:

  • EVERYTHING.

The cons:

  • NOTHING.

All that having been said, I actually am in crunch mode for choosing the contents of Jonathan’s Christmas care package; he still hasn’t received the Thanksgiving package I sent at the beginning of the month, so I want to give myself a sizable window. I bet Santa Claus never has to deal with this bullshit.

I’m collecting gift ideas (okay, mostly baked goods ideas) on my care packages pin board (which Jonathan has promised not to look at, because occasionally he humors me), but I’m open to advice, suggestions, and Ziploc donations.

**PRIVACY DISCLAIMER**
All cat content provided on this blog is for expositional purposes only. The owner of this blog makes no representations as to the accuracy or completeness of Jonathan’s love for cats. In fact, Jonathan doesn’t like cats at all. The owner of this blog would venture to suggest that Jonathan actually HATES cats. Thus, the owner will not be liable for any errors or omissions in her description or exaggeration of Jonathan’s love for cats, nor for the availability or validity of this information were it to be cite-checked with its source, who I should mention is really busy protecting our country from terrorism, so you probably shouldn’t bother him anyway. The owner will not be liable for any losses, injuries, or damages from the display or use of information about Jonathan loving cats, especially in respect to her physical safety when Jonathan finds out she just wrote a blog post about how much he loves cats.

0 thoughts on “Choosing a Christmas gift for your deployed soldier

  1. Pingback: 3.5-month migraines « Army Pants and Flip Flops

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  3. This was AMAZING! I knew that there was crazy cat paraphernalia out there in the world, but NOT LIKE THIS.

    Also, I am a firm lover of cats, so I enjoyed this post both for the ridiculous cat love and your disclaimer that Jonathan hates cat. Double enjoyment!

    • Hahahaha my sister’s response was something like “I hope you realize that I would love to receive any of these weird cat gifts.” My family is filled with crazy cat people. I should probably just start a line of ridiculous cat sweaters.

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