Army 101 / Cheesy / Pinterest

Patriotism, profanity, and a bowl made out of tiny plastic Jonathans

Today is Jonathan’s birthday, and it’s the second of his last three birthdays that he’s spent in Afghanistan. Since being there to celebrate with him would involve a really long plane ride and I don’t want to miss the new episode of “Say Yes to the Dress” on TLC tonight, I’ve decided to stay here and celebrate for him instead, by sharing some Jonathan-inspired Internet finds I’ve saved on Pinterest.

My sister Joanna works in social media, but strangely enough it was my intern at my old job, Rachel, who introduced me to Pinterest. (Redeeming qualities about that job included seriously THE BEST interns who had no problem: participating in Country Music Fridays, linking me to baking recipes, and seeing the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part Two premier at midnight with me and then showing up for work on time the next morning.)

Jonathan does not like Pinterest. Which is comforting, since from what I can tell its main purpose is for women to share wedding ideas, recipes, and ADORABLE ANIMAL PICTURES, and it’s later in our relationship than I’d prefer to be questioning his sexuality. But the main reason Jonathan doesn’t like Pinterest is because, as much as he loves getting 34289320 emails from me every day, he does not love when the majority of those emails are links to wedding ideas, recipes, and ADORABLE ANIMAL PICTURES.

I’ve gotten better about sending those emails to Jonathan. (Instead, I make him scroll through my entire wedding board with me every time I see him in person, which usually ends poorly—i.e. when he realizes I’ve pinned a magenta-colored KitchenAid and subsequently stomps on all of my pink kitchen dreams. What he doesn’t realize is that it’s totally possible to bedazzle a KitchenAid, so maybe he should stop being such an asshole before things get sparkly.)

Here are a few vaguely relevant pins I’ve found that shouldn’t make an army guy suicidal.

This very patriotic chevron manicure, which I haven’t tried yet, but can assume will look like a toddler splatter-painted it onto my right hand when I do:

This toast that loves America more than you do, and these cookies that are proud to be (eaten by) Americans:

This bowl made out of tiny plastic Jonathans:

This not-at-all-creepy eagle hat that someone should get me for my birthday since it won’t get to Jonathan in time for his, and I know how disappointed he’ll be to hear that:

Seriously, someone get me this hat.

This his-and-hers jewelry set that Jonathan says is against regulation to wear on his dog tags while he’s deployed, WHICH WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE TO KNOW BEFORE I BOUGHT IT BUT WHATEVER I LOVE THAT POEM AND I’M WEARING IT ANYWAY:

And this cow. Which is mostly irrelevant, but entirely adorable:

If this cow could talk, it would be wishing Jonathan a happy birthday, and doing other cow things. Like eating grass. I don’t know what cows do. This is Jonathan’s area of expertise, not mine.

Happy birthday, Jonathan.

P.S. I heard from Jonathan yesterday, and he assured me that, currently, his beard is pretty impressive.

P.P.S. It also happens to be Jacki’s birthday today so, Jacki, this is for you.

9 thoughts on “Patriotism, profanity, and a bowl made out of tiny plastic Jonathans

  1. The other night at a bar I made the DJ play Safety Dance and everybody left the bar. So that’s a new trick I have.

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JONATHAN, WHO IS PROTECTING OUR GREAT NATION, AND JACKI, WHO ISN’T EVEN IN JAIL! WHO’S THE REAL HERO?

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